Well howdy y'all

That's my American accent up there - and that's about enough of that!  You guessed it, we went to the USA and have made it back safe, sound and without causing too much disruption to the good people of the United States.  Wow.  We had the BEST time.  I won't gush.  But.  If you happen to be wondering where in the US to visit.  Well.  A little town called Cody, in Wyoming.  Buffalo Bill's old digs.  Not particularly because of all the cowboy and Buffalo Bill goings-on - which was heaps fun and heaps interesting of course -  but, because of the people!  What a fantastic bunch of people we met, all local to Cody.  I don't know how to explain it, I have simply never felt so welcomed by a town.  We were even farewelled at the airport when we left, by a couple of locals we'd been chatting with while we were in town.  Just outta the blue, we're at the airport and in walk these locals to see us off.  Yeah we'd told them when we were leaving, just in conversation, but I mean, really!  It was such a thrill, and probably the No. 1 highlight of our trip, and you'd never think being seen off at the airport was going to be the thing you'd remember about your holiday would you?  but there ya go.

Oh yeah, my daughter got married in Vegas too.  Haha!  Ok ok I'm a rotten mother, THAT was another highlight of our trip.  Honest.  Elvis and all.  Actually I can't speak more highly of Viva Las Vegas weddings either, it was fantastic.  My daughter looked beautiful, she is beautiful of course, but they really had her looking like a supermodel, and the ceremony was everything you'd want, there were laughs and there were tears, and all done so well, in just the right way.  I cried of course.  Thing is, I didnt expect to, it was a Vegas wedding, Elvis and all that, and I really thought it'd just be a whole lot of fun, but the ceremony was touching (as well as silly), so what more can a mother say, fantastic wedding!

Best go, work to do ... hope all is well in your world

Wish I could believe these stats

... and I wish I was a real 'puter nerdy type - but I aint, sad in a way haha.  But I check my blog stats and this morning apparently there've been 15 views.  Right.  All from Australia.  Which would be nice if I thought it was someone other than me.  Haha! I do the 'dont track my page views' thing, but I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm being tracked on my own blog lol.  Why does that thought make me feel like looking over my shoulder? There I go making myself laugh again! Tis a funny thought though, being tracked by myself.

Now, I wish I had something really interesting to say but I think I'm a bit out of practice so I might leave it for now.  Then again I might not.  I tend to just type whatever pops in my head so who knows what's coming.  My head is sometimes a very strange place lol.  And I dont think I'm alone in that, no I dont mean I have more people in my head, so far I havent been diagnosed as schizophrenic.  Just about everything else but schizophrenia, no not yet at least.  Now where was I. Oh yeah just rambling.  And oh I meant that I think everyone has strange stuff whirring around in their brain, at any given moment - imagine if you could hit 'pause' on the brains of all the people around you.  My goodness I bet you'd get a shock with some of the nonsense going on.  The whole gammut of emotions, happiness, sadness, and everything beyond and in between.  'Beyond' could be scary, criminal and twisted thoughts ya know?  But you really don't know anyone do you? We see all those shows about psychos on tv, all those people who the neighbours thought was a nice guy and suddenly he's the axe murderer who's eluded Police for the last 5 years or whatever.  Ya know?  so it would be scary to know what's going on in people's minds, if you could really see inside. 

How on earth I got on that track I have no idea.  Goes to show I guess.  How the mind twists and turns, there I was thinking about my blog stats and whooshka suddenly I'm thinking about criminal minds.  Amazing.  Scary too in a not really scary way.  What does that mean?  No idea.

There are two dead centipedes on the floor here in my office.  Why on earth these centipedes persist in coming inside my house I have no idea, but venture in they do.  It's not good for them, I have no centipede food.  Well not that I know of, and by their condition I think I'm right, no centipede food, not anything centipede friendly at all really.  We have lizards coming inside all the time too.  Another mystery.  Why do they want to come inside the house?  Oh silly me, probably for the dead centipedes.  At first I didnt mind, just grabbed the broom and shooed them pesky lizards out.  Then it got to almost plague proportions, well two at a time.  That's a lot of lizards to have in your loungeroom!  Especially when you didn't invite them.  Haven't spotted any this morning though so that's nice.  They're starting to give me the irrits.  When they come in numbers, well really, a person has to take a stand.  Perhaps a sign on the door, NO LIZARDS.  Discriminatory I suppose.  Well if the lizards start protesting I might allow one in.  One a day, and that's IT!

Right, I am seriously boring now I'm sure, so I'll let you escape - good heavens if you made it this far I'm worried about YOU lol - now go, I give you permission - see ya! well see ya if you ever come back - your choice lol

Long time huh

Very quickly, well actually I doubt anyone's missed me much haha - but in case anyone's wondering I am still around and we HAVE booked our flights to Vegas yayyyy! After Vegas we're heading to Yellowstone National Park, gave up on the horseriding and all that, ended up deciding we'd go visit Buffalo Bill territory - should be interesting for a couple of Aussies :) oh and then a couple of nights in LA, I have been to LA about 4 times before but hubby hasn't so why not hey

Ok, that's it, gotta rush, shopping to do and all that sort of humdrum - hope your world is treating you well!!  I'll try to write more soon ...

Impatience, Vegas and ... oh just hurry up!

Have to admit I'm getting a bit stressed.  Am not the most patient of people at the best of times.  But here I am, daughter getting married in May, in Las Vegas, a whole other hemisphere.  And I can't book our flights and all that stuff yet, because we are smack bang in the middle of selling our business and hubby doesn't want to book anything yet in case it falls through somehow.  Which I know makes perfect sense, because if it doesn't get sold he will have to stay here and run the business.  But this has been going on since about November, why the *&*^%^$%$^!!! does all this legal stuff take so long aaarggghhh!!!  I mean, we had an offer, we accepted it, the buyers are keen to go, wanted to be 'in' mid January, and we were of course happy with that.  So they paid their deposit, and then pffffft Christmas holidays are upon us, solicitors all go on leave and everything stops.  Til this week.  And it's like pulling teeth trying to find out where things are at.  The buyers have rung us, still keen to go by the sound of things.  Hubby is determined he's not ever going to call them, doesnt want to sound like he 'has' to sell, ya know.  But he does get worried they'll get cold feet for some reason with all this delay.

So I'm in a quandary.  Do I just book for myself for now?  Because even if hubby isn't able to go, I'm going to my daughter's wedding dammit.  He wants to go, he just wants to sell first.  And it's driving me insane all this waiting waiting waiiiiiittiiiiinnnngggg.  I dont want to book and then when we sell, find out hubby can't get on the same flight, and even if we can get on the same flight we might not be sitting together on the plane.  That'd be weird!

And of course we've missed out on some fantastic international flight sales.  They were advertising under $900 to the US just a couple of weeks ago, and now its around $1400 and climbing.  Fingers crossed another sale will come up, just at the right time hopefully, but that's not terribly likely :(

Not that I care what it costs, I'm going!  That's where hubby and I differ.  Quite possibly a female thing.  I quite like spending, enjoy it actually.  Never really worry about it, if I've gotta have it well I've gotta have it.  Now I don't just go spending $ for the sake of it, but when I need stuff I go get it.  Within reason.  It depends on the "need" factor.  And this wedding is right off the scale, aint no other choice for me.

Then there's the accommodation.  I want to stay somewhere nice.  Hubby would be happy as long as there's a bed to sleep in.  So I'm looking at all the 5 star places, and hubby's turning his nose up hahahaha!  Ok I can do 3 or 4 star I guess.  But I'm staying on The Strip, no argument (he doesnt know that yet, could be an interesting time, when we get to sorting the accommodation out!!).  You see he has this thing about bright lights, having been a cop, he worked around all that stuff and saw a lot of nasty business.  When working as a cop it went with the territory, and you just don't talk about it, he still doesnt, except to say the underside of all those bright lights aint so pretty.  But I'm just living in ordinary-land, so I don't wanna know about any of that stuff, I just wanna go to Vegas, be around all the bright lights, stay somewhere really nice and fancy, and see my little girl get married!

I think I'll give it one more week, then I'm booking myself on a plane ... well maybe ...

Must be time for another miracle methinks

Ya know, I've had success with my lists.  My first list saw my husband miraculously appear.  I haven't mentioned here before but my hubby and I wrote a list after we'd been married for a few months, a list of things we wished for.  That list only had a few things on it, materialistic things.  And again I tossed the list in a drawer and forgot about it.  On that list were - a nice new four bedroom house with a double garage (how on earth were we ever going to get that?), new furniture for our new home (well you can't have a nice new home with old daggy furniture in it), and a small business of our own so that we could have weekends off together (yeah right).

I found that list the other day.  And had another 'ohmygod I forgot about this list' moment.  Because last year we moved into our new home, and while it's not brand new it was only 18 months old when we bought it so it's quite the modern thing, has a double garage, and we did furnish it all with lovely new furniture, sold or threw out all the old furniture, and right now we are in the process of selling our small business to move on to something else after hubby has a good rest first (and after we go to my daughter's wedding in Vegas).

Not only that, we OWN our new home.  No mortgage, no debts.  Something I thought I'd never achieve to be honest.  Miraculous it is indeed.

How that all came to be is rather a lengthy story with many twists and turns, but the thing is that it all came to be over about, well, less than 8 months after writing that list and forgetting about it.  Crazy.  I honestly don't know how these things come to be, all we/I do is write a list.  Is it the power of suggestion or something?  I don't know!! But it's like I put in my order, and without me even realising, there it is!

Have to admit I am grateful for these things, and I do say thank you, not to anyone or anything in particular, but I know I have looked heavenwards and said thank you, quite a few times.  Ok I'm a kook.  But I have those moments, and it seems only right to be thankful.  'The Secret' told me to do that, to be grateful, so I guess it sunk in. 

Now, and I realise I must seem greedy, there are some things I'd still like.  Like my own car.  We have two, one is hubby's and its just too big for me to drive, the other is the business car which is more my size but it's getting sold with the business (shame, I was hoping I could have it haha).  And I'd like new carpet or flooring in the house, when we bought the house we got it cheap because it had been rented out, and needed a lot of cleaning up, and while its been all cleaned up now the carpet really never quite came back to perfect condition.  So greedy me wants all new flooring. And some landscaping in the back yard, it is tiered but needs some finishing off.

Awful aren't I.  I've been so lucky, and I want more.  Then again I sometimes feel 'second rate' because I don't have my own car, is that wrong of me? Hard to explain, but I do feel that way.  And having a 'disability' makes me feel second rate too sometimes, it never used to, I was always comfortable in my own skin and actually quite proud of myself, and my determination not to let it stop me doing anything, until I went through the hell of suffering disability discrimination and that had me feeling less than worthy, of anything much.  I've come through all that, but still have my moments, like yesterday in that awful blistering heat, I wished I had a car.  But no, there I was sitting at a bus stop in the stinking heat, like someone nobody cared about, you know? Erk.  That's not me, I am loved and I know that, it was just circumstances but I find myself thinking, why can't I have a freakin car???!!  We dont have anywhere to put it is the answer, plus I'm a good little wife and hubby says we need to save for retirement, really I could use his car during the day (I just don't like big cars!).  Oh well, it's on my list now, a small car!

I'm a lucky woman, nothing to complain about at all really, just reaching for absolutely everything I guess!  So I think this blog/post can serve as my list, actually no, I will write it down and toss it in a drawer somewhere - really shouldn't change what's been working - that's all for now, I'm off to write my list!

40 degrees they said

Note to self - do not EVER go out of the house when they say its going to be 40 degrees.  Even if it's for work, say no, lets reschedule.  Because these weather predictions can be a tad wrong. Now a degree here and there really doesn't matter much I guess, usually. I mean, we all know hot from cold, and when they say 40 degrees we think 'hot'.

However.  Then there was yesterday.  40 degrees expected.  Ok, I had to go to this work meeting, had to.  So got myself ready, ignored the boss's instruction not to get dressed up, well, he said just wear 'casual' so I didn't wear my usual 'office' attire, but I did wear some nice lightweight pants and a short sleeve blouse, and the dreaded heels. Not dressed up, smart casual I guess.  Anyway I had the air-con on in the house of course, all very nice and cool it was.  Then I opened the door to head out, and wham, the heat hit me.  This wasn't hot, this was freaky inferno hot.  Nothing I could do about it, had to get going.  And I had to get two buses.  First bus leaves from just down on the corner, only a minute's walk.  Ok, go.

Not bad, at least it wasn't late arriving.  And the buses are air conditioned of course, good.  I get to the next bus stop, find some shade and wait for the next bus, about 10 minutes.  Survived the wait.

Now I have MS, which I like to forget about mostly.  Sometimes it wont let me.  When its hot is one of those times.  But still I headed out on my little trip not giving it much thought.  Then I get to the venue for our meeting.  Stairs. Two flights.  You're kidding me I'm thinking.  My boss knows I have MS, he's a really good boss, I have no complaints, but I realise now that I have to educate him a little as to the restrictions of MS.  I can climb stairs, its just not easy at the best of times, and in the heat I discovered yesterday I can't do it on my own.  Luckily one of my co-workers showed up, and we hadnt met before, but I was on the lookout for some assistance and so asked the first person to show up 'would you happen to be so & so" and luckily 'yes'.  So we introduced ourselves at the bottom of the stairs, I explained my situation, and accepted the offered arm up the stairs.  Made it.  Whew.

So all was well.  Meeting over and done.  And I head back home. Two buses again.  First one was fine.  Second one didnt show up. I was the only one waiting for the bus.  I ring the bus company.  Bus has broken down.  Almost an hour later it shows up.  By which time I have barely enough strength to walk more than a few paces, having sat in soaring heat all that time.  Enough to get from the seat I was sitting on to the bus, just.  Nice bus driver, said 'you've been waiting ages, just take a seat, no charge'.  I must have looked close to death.  I know I had only the barest of strength left in my body.

44 degrees it was.  46 in some places they said, I think it got to 46 while I was waiting for that damn bus.  44 degrees = 111 degrees Fahrenheit.  At 8pm last night it was still 40 degrees outside. It was so hot the weather vane thermometer in my garden had exploded.  Honest, the thermometer exploded!

Lesson learnt.  Listen to boss, no long pants next time. Thinking it'll be ok, is not the way to go.  Because things can go wrong. Buses can be late. And then there can be stairs lurking around any corner. And when you have MS, hot is not just hot, hot has nasty implications, like barely being able to walk.  I dont like that.  Once I got home to my lovely air conditioned home I recovered, I'm back to my usual self and all is well, but I will never ever EVER leave home in that sort of temperature again!

Trying to keep up

Well hello world, wow what a busy time it's been - and sadly not due to anything incredibly exciting.  Just growing with my job.  I have an unusual job I guess, I work for a website, which I am absolutely thrilled about, and because its a website we all work from home and communicate via email and text messages, and only when things go crazy do we actually speak over the phone.  And sometimes just because we get sick of the computer we pick up the phone too, so much nicer to talk!  We have a meeting every week, again over the phone, I sit in my loungeroom with my phone on loudspeaker and listen to what's been happening for everyone else and have my own spot too of course.  But today is going to be interesting, we actually are having our first face-to-face meeting.  Should be interesting!  Finally we will all know what we look like, heavens!  and its gonna be a stinker today, around 40 degrees C so we've been told not to dress up, it's gonna be too too too hot for all that.

Which has me in a bit of a pickle, typical female I guess, what on earth to wear.  My boss actually rang me and told me specifically not to get dressed up.  Haha, I must dress up too much I guess!  The only person I see in person is my boss so he knows what I'm like, even at home I dress for work - maybe that's a bit crazy, but I find it helps get me in the 'work' frame of mind.  I did try sitting at work in my nightie but, and I really dont know why, I just couldnt get into the work thang!  Aah well, that's all for today, thought I'd better post something because I've been a bit distracted lately - and this is it for now, hope you all out there are having marvellous times!

Vegas wedding :)

Well my daughter is getting married, in Las Vegas, so we'll be heading off shore in four months time.  Nice hey!  Well it's nice for me, apart from being so very happy for my daughter, I love travel and have been to Vegas before so am really looking forward to it, but hubby avoids travel like the plague, hates the long flights and has only left Australia once in his life, for our honeymoon!  Which was damned decent of him haha!  And I think I mentioned before, he's a 'crocodile dundee' type, so bright lights are not his scene, so we won't be in Vegas any longer than we have to (unfortunately for me) - he has said if he's gonna go to America he wants to see the country.  Wants to see buffalo.  Wants to rope a steer.  Wants to ride a horse.  Wants to do the cowboy thing.  Oh dear.  Well he's an experienced horse rider, so it can't be some sort of trail ride, nose to tail, nooo he has to be reaaally riding, at a full gallop, none of that nancy pantsy walking stuff (God love him) - and where on earth will we see buffalo? and where does he think he'll be roping a steer?!  I have no idea about what cowboys do!  I'm a 'bright lights and neon city' type of girl!  Opposites attract they say, guess it's true!

Aah well, just sharing - we are both looking forward to it despite the challenge of finding out how to get to experience the cowboy life!

Fair dinkum ...

As quickly and concisely as I can, I will try to explain the term 'fair dinkum' - I really should have added this as a post-script on my last post ... anyway -

and please know that this comes from a woman born and bred in Sydney Australia,  (I say that because I've seen some absolute nonsense online about many of our sayings).  I and my whole family use many Aussie phrases, as indeed do many of our Aussie friends, I only mention that because I have read in places like Wikipedia that us Aussies aren't doing those things any more, only in certain parts of Australia??  I dispute that!!

Fair dinkum (or dinkum) - generally means 'true', 'the truth', or 'genuine' - however this is not a 'strict' meaning of the term.  To explain, in my 'Fit as .." post where I say that I need to be fair dinkum about losing weight - I mean that I need to be serious, to make a genuine effort, about losing weight.  And if I say that I am fair dinkum, I am saying that I'm being totally honest - and you'd better believe it!!

Example conversation:

Me - I just won the lottery!
You - You're kidding me!
Me - No I'm not, fair dinkum, I won!!!!!

And to use fair dinkum as a question on it's own ... e.g. are you fair dinkum?  - well I'm asking if you're telling me the truth.

Dinky-di is a variation of the term 'fair dinkum' - and is used in reference to an Australian person, and means that they are a born and bred, patriotic, lover of everything Australia - that's the best way I can describe dinky-di!  If you know what 'true blue' means, then you'll understand dinky-di, pretty much the same thing.

Hope this all makes sense ...

I'll stop now!!  Hooroo :)
(and hooroo means bye, see ya later!!)

Fit as ...

Heyyy people, remember a few posts back I mentioned that awful word ... weight?  And bravely told you that I'd put on six (gulp) kilos?  Well it got me thinking pretty seriously about what might happen if I didn't do something about it.  Yeah I sort of started dieting, which to be honest I thought I was doing anyway, it's a daily thing, being female it goes with the territory - we're always telling ourselves 'don't eat that!', and 'oh look a nice piece of lettuce, yum'.  Oh you know how it is!

For those that talk in pounds and ounces I have put on close to 14 lbs, which is one stone.  I don't think I'm that bad, I was 60kgs when I got married and am 66 kgs now.  Three years it took me to put that on.  A bit scary.  And it is purely because I actually eat these days. 

Karma - oh I do love karma I do I do

Forgive me I have no idea how to spell that word, karma.  So I am reduced to something like phonetics.  Which while I'm at it, is a very strange word.  Why isn't it spelled .. fonetix?  or fonetiks?  Does my head in that does.   Oh well just something to ponder.  While I like to think my command of the Queen's English is above the norm, when it comes to words from other cultures I am definitely left lacking.  It's probably something like khama, but you know what I mean.  Ok, on with it!

My home phone rang today.  I was talking to a work client at the time, on my mobile.  So let the home phone ring out.  As soon as I finished my call my mobile rang.  Incredibly it was a Manager from my previous employer's business.  How strange I was thinking, what could they possibly want?  They'd better not want their money back, if they made a mistake, tough! But maybe they didn't pay me enough?  Well that'd be ok.  My mind is darting here, there and everywhere, this call is completely unexpected.

So I ask out of curiosity, did you just call my home number? Yes.  Oh sorry, I was on another call.  So, they reaaally want to talk to me.  And silly as it was, they asked about some work I'd done for them, did I know where it was saved? 

Unemployed ... and then came miracle no. 2 !!

So there I was, unemployed.  Quite honestly after over a year of going to 'work' every day, to a non-existent job, just sitting at a desk, jumping on the phone whenever it happened to ring, and not being anybody with anything to do, my phone quite honestly rang about once a month if that - I was just about losing my mind, and to actually walk out of that place knowing I would never have to go back - ahhhh the relief.  I changed personality overnight.  I was me again.  I could actually smile and laugh, and until I'd escaped that situation I didnt even realise how totally bad it had been.  Now that was scary.  I knew I was terribly unnerved by it all, that I wasn't happy by anyone's standards, but to escape it and feel normal again - let me tell you it was a shocking and terrifying feeling to know how close I'd come to ... a breakdown? I have no idea what happens when you are so depressed, but I know I was headed somewhere frighteningly bad.

W erkkkkk - The End

Now while I was going through all of this, I think it's understandable that I was not exactly the happiest I've ever been.  Quite honestly I have to admit I became depressed.

Meaningful work.  If you are involved in recruitment at all, if you are a manager or supervisor of staff in any field - listen up, keep your staff engaged and involved.  Giving your staff a desk, a computer, some pens and paper, or whatever tools are involved in your field of work, is NOT enough.  Actual work has to go along with the tools.

Before it happened to me I had never even thought about it.  You read about people who have what we think are 'cushy' jobs, where they get paid mega bucks but read the paper all day.  It simply isn't like that.  Far from being 'cushy' it is demoralizing.  And it's embarrassing, taking good money for doing nothing more than showing up.  And I was paid well, I was at the top of the ladder in my field, paid more than anyone I knew, more than my husband.

W .. erkkkkk

Nearly that time again, back to w erkk on Monday - but I can't complain, I'm lucky enough to work from home, and only 3 hours a day - another one of my miracles (smiling here).

How to tell how this all came about .. quite a long story but I'll try.

You see I was working full-time, had a job that I loved, a boss that anyone would dream of having, and fantastic people to work with.  Going to work was never an issue for me, basically it was like my second home.

Then, my boss retired, which was sad.  But I carried on, working for an even higher ranking exec in the same organisation.  Which was fine, wasnt as good a boss to be honest, but hey I can get along with anyone and it was ok, just not quite as enjoyable, same people around so it was fine.

But then I decided I'd apply for another job, just a transfer to get some more experience, well not experience, shall we say exposure, something like that.  Anyway I got the job, it was just a temporary transfer.

Back to the story ...

And we were married!  Our wedding was beautiful, after the odd drama which I think everyone experiences.  The music system wouldnt work so hubby was sending groomsmen off hunting for CD players just 2 hours before the ceremony, the MC tells us he can't make it so we beg a very good friend who was attending to help out, and whew luckily he said ok; our celebrant totally ignored our schedule and was madly waving the bridesmaids to get started, and so the timing was all out and I ended up having to walk down the aisle after a way-too-long deathly silence lol - butttt the reception was the absolute best, quite honestly I had the best time I've ever had.  Once I got through the ceremony.  Have to admit I was in some kind of fog.  It really was just so unreal, I kept thinking it must be a dream.  But we'd planned the day, made all the arrangements, and here it was.  The big day.  And I'm thinking 'this just isn't real, cant be happening".  Kind of went through the motions.  Knew what I had to do, where I had to be.  And I walked down the aisle with what I think must have been the expression of a stunned mullet.  This was just too good to be true.  BUT, once I had that ring on my finger, once we'd signed our marriage certificate - it was like (and I swear there was a flash of lightning on an otherwise clear day) well it was like shazaam! and I was back in the real world, it was true, it had happened, I was the Mrs!!

Aah yes, it was good.  All was right with the world.

And we honeymooned.   Lovely island, beautiful people, five stars all the way.  Never mind the fact that it seemed the whole world knows my hubby and even though we "left the country", we kept running into people he knew.  Crazy.  Just when I thought I had him all to myself. 

And then we had to go back home.  Sad that the honeymoon was over, but overjoyed at the same time we arrived back home, had the usual conversations with everyone we'd left behind, lots of laughs and good times.

Then we took a bottle of wine, our thank you cards and pens and climbed into bed to go through all the cards we'd received.  We'd asked for cash rather than gifts as we both already had a home full of the usual household items.

Slowly it dawned on us that something wasnt right.

No idea why - and then some ...

Right, I must be a bit mental methinks.  I keep changing the look of this blog.  Sorry.  It's part of being a perfectionist, I think.  I am definitely that.  Or maybe I just like to see all the different possibilities, so I have to try every single one.  Thing is, I don't think I'll ever think it's quite right.  I know its not how I want it at the moment haha.  Oh dear.  But hey don't worry, it'll be looking different again, soon.  Think I can pretty much guarantee that.

Hey! I just had an absolute brain explosion, so to speak. !!