So there I was, unemployed. Quite honestly after over a year of going to 'work' every day, to a non-existent job, just sitting at a desk, jumping on the phone whenever it happened to ring, and not being anybody with anything to do, my phone quite honestly rang about once a month if that - I was just about losing my mind, and to actually walk out of that place knowing I would never have to go back - ahhhh the relief. I changed personality overnight. I was me again. I could actually smile and laugh, and until I'd escaped that situation I didnt even realise how totally bad it had been. Now that was scary. I knew I was terribly unnerved by it all, that I wasn't happy by anyone's standards, but to escape it and feel normal again - let me tell you it was a shocking and terrifying feeling to know how close I'd come to ... a breakdown? I have no idea what happens when you are so depressed, but I know I was headed somewhere frighteningly bad.
The escape had immediate effect though, which thinking about it is damn comforting. I was able to recover, and fast, which I guess says that I hadn't gone toooooo far down that track. Of course in hindsight I know that I should have stayed on sick leave, rather than put myself through it all. If I'd known earlier that they were just going to leave me there, doing nothing at all to provide work of any sort when there of course was work I could do, waiting for me to resign (and that is indeed what they were doing) - I'd have just thrown my hands in the air and taken sick leave. Instead, with dogged determination, I went into battle. Actually that was the only thing that gave me anything to do!
Enough of that, it's done, have to admit it's still a nasty gross little weevily memory that spills out now and then.
But aah. There I was, no job and thinking what to do next. Well. I know. I could work from home.
Of course I could. Wouldnt that be lovely? Solves all my problems with getting around. I could walk again, probably not for more than about 30 minutes but hey that aint bad. Stairs still presented a bit of a problem but as long there was a hand rail, really I was fine, back to how I was, if you didnt know - well you wouldn't know!
So I registered myself as a business. Whoopee. Advertised online. Got one job. Six hundred bucks worth. Not bad. And that was all. Haha! Well I kept advertising and ringing round, but nah nothing. Right, well, what next? Well I've got my business cards, got a damned good resume, excellent referees. Still have my website. I know. I'll go do a walk around of local businesses, introduce myself, hand over my business card, impress the socks off them all. Errr yeah. Well I thought about it a lot. For over a month.
And then I had one of those moments. When the light flashes. Told myself 'well if you don't do anything you won't get anything you dope!'. So I got moving. Got all gussied up in one of my spiffy 'power suits' and headed out to do my 'sell myself' thing. Brave I was.
Trouble was every single place had stairs. Hilarious really. I can't be working somewhere with flights of stairs, oh I laughed at myself. This is getting silly. But. There was one place that had a ramp. A recruitment agency, and I walked past it, and back to it, and past it, and back to it. Read the sign eventually. "For people with disabilities". Oh hey ... oh probably for people on welfare. Kept walking. Then my mind is tossing and turning, hmm this isnt really working out so good. Kept wandering about. Oh I'll give it a shot, go in and see this disability employment place. Probably wont be any good, probably only for people on welfare but won't know unless I front up I guess.
So in I went. Nobody available right now. Bugger. Oh hang on, Matt is back. Cool, a response at last. So I ask, do I have to be on welfare? No? Wow, ok sign me up. And I fill out form after form, sign my name half a dozen times and he suddenly calls out, hey didnt we have a job with .... and the reply from a distance came, yeah we did but its closed. But this lady would really fill that bill. Hang on. Ok, look you go home and I'll give this guy a ring & I'll let you know what he says. Ok. Better than nothing I suppose, and I've signed up, at least that's something.
And I get home, there's an email from Matt. Email this guy, he wants you to write him a letter. Errr a tad strange, I dont even really know what the job is but ok. So I email a letter, just wrote about where my last job was, what I'd done since, and the job I wanted. Within the hour I have a response, they want to meet. Wow. And we meet. Hmmm we could do with someone like you, dont have a job though, I'll be in touch ok. Yeah right. But. They do get in touch. And oh my Lord, they're creating a job, for me! Come lets have another chat. Ok. Would you mind working from home? Part-time to start with? Would I???!!!
See where I'm heading here? I took that step. Got off my backside. And I ended up with my dream job, doing exactly what I like doing, and from home. All my problems solved, no need to worry about climbing stairs, no need to worry about getting on buses and trains.
A job that didn't even exist. Miracle.
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