Right, now I've got that out of the way I'll tell a little about myself, and my life of miracles.
Firstly, I've always had this feeling that I had a 'guardian angel' or something. Way back when I was a kid in school, it always seemed that I never got in trouble, even when I know I damn well should have! I wasn't a bad kid, actually I was probably quite well behaved ... but
whenever I was panicking about not having done my homework or talking in class and all those sort of little worries that kids have, well I never got caught. Like, if I went to school knowing I hadn't done my homework, I'd get to school and the teacher would be off sick. Yay for me! That sort of thing always happened, so I guess I learnt not to worry about anything until it needed to be worried about, very early on.
Ok, moving on to my first miracle. And I have to skip along really quickly to get to my adult life here. So, in an absolute nutshell - I married at 20 years of age, had 3 daughters, marriage broke up & I moved on to another de-facto relationship, which broke up after 8 years (he had a bad temper but strangely was a nice guy apart from the odd outburst), anyway that went pearshaped, then another relationship which I should NEVER have gotten into.
Oh, I was diagnosed with MS just as the earlier relationship was breaking up.
This new guy had problems, some sort of personality disorder, but I kept thinking I could 'fix' him. Ten years. The kind of relationship where I was always making excuses for him, after the first few months I had to admit he wasn't "right in the head" but he'd moved into my house with me and I did have feelings for him, I kept thinking 'he can't possibly mean that, he didn't mean to say / do that, maybe I shouldn't have asked him to do this or that" and I kept blaming myself. So did he by the way. Nothing was ever his fault, it was all because somehow I'd made him do whatever he'd done. Even when he assaulted me. Because my daughter's friend was staying over. I shouldn't have let my kids have their friends stay over. He didn't like other people around, he had this thing that everyone basically had to adore him, and another male in the house was competition. So females were allowed to come around, stay, whatever, but a male was competition and so they simply were not to be tolerated. I knew he didn't like this young boy, or any other young male, so it was my fault, and I deserved being thrown across the room, hit in the face and all that. Plus the time my other daughter had her 16th birthday party. I deserved having him smash cake in my face. My fault, all my fault. And of course when he lied and lied about going away for a weekend with his work 'mates', (agreed of course I should have known it was a lie, he had no mates, none). But when he took off for a weekend with some woman he met online it was all my fault too. I never paid him any attention, never did anything for him, he would tell everyone how badly I treated him. When in truth I had to do everything for him, even make phone calls for him, he would 'stutter' on the phone he said, so I had to make the call. I had to call his work when he was having a sickie too, like his mother or something. And phone the bank about his credit card, knowing all along they wouldnt talk to me, obviously I wasn't the cardholder, but he wouldnt be told. My fault, I could have made them talk to me.
But that was four years ago now, I finally had enough and told him to get out. I'll leave this here now, and continue in my next post .... catch you again soon!
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