2013 - yeah I know, everyone's talking about it ...

hmmm, looking at that website, you know the one, everybody's on it, I have an aversion to it but my youngest is off making her life on the other side of the world so I keep an eye her through it ... anyway, its full of happy new year's.  Ok, so Happy New Year.  That's that out of the way.  I guess if I knew you, kind reader, I would genuinely wish you all the very best, it's just that I don't know you at all (well, to my one follower, who I've gotten to 'know' a little bit, sincerely, thank you and indeed I do wish you every joy and success - and I hope it makes you laugh to know you are my one and only follower haha!).  It's not that I dont generally and genuinely wish anyone and anybody a Happy New Year, I do, well Id definitely be strange if I went around wanting bad fortune for anyone and everyone, but I'm getting off track ... it just seems a tad ... ummm insincere, seeing Happy New Year online for anyone and everyone, I mean Happy New Year who? me? no? oh sorry, thought you were talking to me (how embarrassing).

Gosh I sound awful.  I'm pretty sure I'm not awful, not exactly, I think what I'm trying to say is just really hard to put into words.  Isn't it weird though, this whole new world we live in?  To think, here I am, sitting in the spare room in my little house, laptop in front of me, printer to my left, papers all over the place - I print everything, I think I have some weird printing disorder, a fear that I'll forget some priceless words of wisdom - yeah anyway, where was I, papers thats right.  I was trying to paint a picture.  Papers.  Two pieces are stuck on the wall in front of me, one says "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own" - and the other says "Success - is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it".

Link to a post from "The Grumbler" - because it cracked me up!

The Grumbler: They Made Me an Offer I Couldn't Refuse

The miracle cometh ...

We woke the next morning and as usual we were chatting away.  Nice things, about how happy we were to have met each other, how we'd both given up really before that.  He'd been nagged into going on the dating website, by his daughter.  I'd just given it a shot, was looking for company.  And in no time we met, emails & phone calls for a week or so, then in person and after just one week we'd done the 'I love you' thing.  Well and truly.  We were head over heels, and that's the first time I'd ever felt confident enough to say a man loved me.  He did and I knew it.  I could say so loud and proud.  I loved him and incredibly he loved me and he wasn't afraid to say so, to anyone.

Nothing mattered.  I didn't really know much about him to be honest.  I'd been to his house, he'd been to mine.  I didn't know if he had a mortgage or was renting.  Didn't care really.  I knew he had a job and that was about it.  I knew he was a good man.  Told me about his past.  I told him about mine.  The past is the past and we both agreed on that, everyone makes mistakes, probably has done things they feel bad about.  But its the past.  Now is now.

And so we were talking.  And he was saying things like "I think when you reach a certain age and youve had relationships before, you learn, and then when you find what you want, you know it".  I'm thinking yeah, true, nice of you to say.  I felt the same, he was 'the one', I never thought he existed but there he was and he loved me.  Pretty darn amazing.

Ok I know this is mushy and probably getting boring.  Sorry.  Thing is, next he said "Sooo, hypothetically, if I was to ask you to marry me what would you say?"

So maybe I'm a dingbat ...

And we finished the evening with a very demure peck on our respective lips and off he went.  There I was feeling all lonely because he'd gone, and I hadn't felt lonely before I met him.  Wrong wrong wrong, that was NOT supposed to happen.  So I'm tidying up, putting the cups in the sink and splashing about, tottering around between the lounge room and kitchen and then I saw it.  Stuck between the cushions on the lounge.  His wallet!!  What to do, what to do??!  Then of course my silly brain starts thinking very silly girly things, like maybe he left it behind on purpose, so he'd have an excuse to come back .. yeah right.  A pen or business card maybe, but no-one leaves their wallet behind, not on purpose.  So of course I phoned him, and of course he came back to collect it, and we had another opportunity for a quick peck, plus an extra hug.  I was (not so) secretly quite pleased that he had to come back, and I think he was kinda happy about it too, probably checked to see that all his cash was in tact after he took off but hey I would have too.

And that was that.  Til the following morning and I checked my email.  He'd written.  Words to the effect that he was he was falling in love with me.  Now you'd think I'd be thinking he was MAD wouldnt you?  But no.  I was head over anyway.  Angry at myself but there was no denying it.  Rather than being totally thrilled though, I was a bit peeved, what did he mean "falling in love", wasnt the stoopid man completely in love with me?  Fool.  Falling indeed. 

Jumping in

Well of course he gave me his number, me being so interesting, amusing and of course gorgeous.  Ok ok I'm kidding!  But I did have my picture up on that dating website so he did know what I looked like, which was a good thing.  I knew what he looked like too.  Quite honestly not my usual 'type', but hey I wasn't looking for a relationship remember?!   In his photos (he had a few) he looked a typical Aussie bloke, have to admit the Akubra was a definite attraction for me, my dad was known for his hat and anyone faintly resembling my dad was ok by me.

So I nominated a time and booked myself in for the phone call.  Now I didn't want to appear overly keen, so I waited a full five minutes.  I wasnt desperate.  Really.  But intrigued I was.

The Secret - and dating websites

Ok, hurtling ahead with my story ... what had happened after that nasty relationship finally saw me alone and happy again, was Christmas 2008.  Lovely it was too.  Anyway, I was given a book, 'The Secret', if you've read it you will know that it talks about what it claims is the way to basically have anything you want, in abundance.  Basically by being grateful and thankful for all you have, and 'putting it out there' to the universe, I mean, putting out your wishes and desires, and somehow that tells the universe what you want - ummm somehow what you imagine becomes reality.  And so it goes.

I read it and thought how interesting, but hey this is really just wishful thinking and nonsense.   But nice to think that just by imagining your life as you want it, that it will be so.  Who knows I guess.  Obviously there are people who believe all that stuff, and I guess I just tucked it away in a little corner of my mind, suppose I was 'open' to any idea that sounded good, but I was skeptical, anybody would be.

Unfortunate relationships ... and moving on

So I finally had "the moment", the "straw that broke the camel's back", my 'epiphany' - and it had been a long time coming.  Finally I decided 'enough'.  But I needed help.  I enlisted my daughters' assistance, I was scared of what this man might do.  Past behaviour indicates future behaviour after all, and I certainly wasn't feeling that this would go well.

Miracles do happen

Right, now I've got that out of the way I'll tell a little about myself, and my life of miracles. 

Firstly, I've always had this feeling that I had a 'guardian angel' or something.  Way back when I was a kid in school, it always seemed that I never got in trouble, even when I know I damn well should have!  I wasn't a bad kid, actually I was probably quite well behaved ... but

Christmas - and the internet &c - getting it off my chest

I was just tinkering about online, I won't name the site because I really don't like advertising something that is plain unhealthy most of the time, for a lot of people anyway - you'll know what I'm talking about, or the sort of site at least.  Anyway I was just fiddling about, and yes I did register with this particular site, just to connect with some lost friends and because my children insisted (aarghh).